Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Left Behind

Have you ever felt like everyone is moving forward in life and you are just stuck?

That is how I feel!

There are a group of ladies that I talk to on a daily basis that I absolutely love. Almost all of them are either pregnant, or already delivered their little ones. Some are even talking about trying for their second! I feel so left behind. I am super happy for them and so so glad they are not in my shoes anymore, but I can't help but feel left out.

I know my day will come. I know one day I will be in that delivery room welcoming my new baby. But I wish that day would come. October will mark TWO years that we have been trying. That is enough time to have two pregnancies(of course, with little time in between).

Anyways, I try not to let this get to me too much, so that is why I come here to vent and it makes me feel a bit better. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read my blog!


Monday, August 15, 2011

It is official...

I completely suck at keeping a blog updated.

Anyways, let's go over the past few months that you have missed.

I did end up miscarrying at 4w4d. I am okay. I think my mom took it worse than I did. The main thing that kept me in good spirits is that at least now I know that it IS possible for me to get pregnant on my own. Now we just have to get pregnant again, and STAY pregnant.

I did have some baseline blood work done, but that is it. I decided to take a break from testing for a few months to relax and put my mind on other things. It has helped tremendously. I haven't felt as stressed about TTC. So that is where I am at now.

I made it through Summer semester! YAY! Even brought my GPA back up. I changed my major to EMT-I, but then found out that I would have no financial aid if I switched to that major. So, I changed it-AGAIN. Hopefully I will like this new major( Medical Administrative Technology).

Some other important updates in my life right now-My Papa.
He isn't doing good. He ended up going to Shands Hospital in Gainesville, FL for a little over a week. They found out that his aneurysm is now the size of a grapefruit. It is pressing on the nerves that lead to his vocal cords and his esophagus. Therefore, he can hardly talk, and is unable to eat or drink ANYTHING without choking. So, they put a feeding tube in his stomach. He gets all of his nutrition, medicine, etc through it. He is not allowed to put a thing in his mouth or he may choke. And coughing that hard could make his aneurysm rupture. And if it ruptures-he would be gone in minutes.

I found out the other day that he does have a DNR(do not resuscitate) in his living will. So if something happens, no one is allowed to try to bring him back. I honestly feel that is best for him. If he did have CPR performed, it would rupture the aneurysm, and he would die anyway. I hate seeing him in this state. He has the feeding tube, oxygen, and all these other gadgets all around him 24/7. I am glad he is at home though.

My Mema told me they already started getting funeral arrangements together just in case, so that they will be prepared when it happens. I don't like thinking about it. I have already had to go and buy Josh some clothes to wear at the funeral because he is an alternate to be a pall-bearer. Ugh, makes me so upset. Our family is strong though. We know he will be in a MUCH better place and won't be suffering anymore...but I still don't know if I am ready to say goodbye to him.

Alright, before I end up writing a novel, I will wrap it up for now. I promise to try to keep this thing updated!