Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A New Plan

I had my appointment today with my OBGYN. It was basically a consultation to sit and talk about what we are going to do next. And, we now have a new plan!

He decided to start me on Clomid. I am nervous but excited all at once. I have heard so many success stories from people who used Clomid, but also know of some ladies who have still had no luck with it.

I am hoping it is the key for us to get pregnant. I have felt so defeated the past few months and I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to keep things together.

I have such a tough exterior, but inside I am dying. I feel like I am a failure. I feel that I am a failure to my husband, my family, friends, and everyone. Almost weekly I get asked if I have children yet. It kills me when I tell them no. Especially when they ask why not. Well, of course I just brush it off with some generic response like "Oh, we are still young, it will happen whenever it happens." But I would love to burst out saying "Because my body sucks and doesn't work like everyone elses. I can't just have sex one time and POOF-baby". If only people truly understood that getting pregnant really is not easy for everyone.

Well, that is enough rambling for now. I am about to get some sleep.

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